fat assness

have got my rodarte dresses on hold at the local target and am happy.



got some leggings from aa in the mail, but i will have to set them aside? they fit fine once they go on, but it's the going on. my hips are so wide relative to my waist it's hard to find any pants that fit. so i just wear black leggings everyday until they fall apart :(. 

everytime i think i feel skinnier i just go to aa and i get 'moted again. 

hmm hmm. i'm going to go finish this hat some more. and plaaay dragon aaaggeee.

The Predicament

So I'm terribly ashamed of being a procrastinator. 


Like I intended to work on my paper all Tuesday. Then Tuesday became Wednesday and I was all, "I'm going knock this shit DOWN!11" but then I didn't and passed out at midnight with a half-page outline. Then I woke up at 6am and frantically worked on it, didn't finish, showed up 40 minutes late to my 8am final, and I'm sitting in the library now. Blogging.



It's a 3 page paper about Stiglitz. Stiglitz! That man like the Gabriel of Globalization, whose hymns and proclamations I've sewn into my little earth-shaped heart. But alas it was an assignment, and I don't do those.


The thing is I know I'm good at writing papers, and I'm good at bullshitting bullshit Anthro finals, so it's just more incentive for me to procrastinate. So, cushioned by this arrogance, I breeze up to the last few hours and then stress the fuck out. I don't like this. Gaahhh. I need to stop.

I need to stop blogging, holy shit. 

But my mum just gave me this $75 gift card for Target and with the new Rodarte collection coming out next week omg. I know nowhere else to shout these exaltations, except here, this little hole in a tree. I shall cover it up with mud now, and fly free. Am I rhyming? hm.

also today I am 21. it is not so much a feeling of liberation and freedom so much as it is a feeling that I am growing older, and I have all these plans, and I won't be done with them, won't be really truly an adult, until I'm like... 27. Or 28. i want to join the Peace Corps, and I want to do a masters too. And then what? :( I shall stop making plans, and just get drunked up like other 21 year olds. 


Whys and Whatsits

Lately I can't recall names. I forget checks, I drop my keys unknowingly. Lately my dreams are more real than really living. I touch things awake and witness events and there is nothing but clinical numbness. Lately I'm losing my words; without those, I thought I was nothing. 

This is an attempt to remember everything. At the end of the day, words are all we have.