The Dangerous Twist

Man it's so fantastically heart wrenching.

I'm so goddam lost I can't even think straight. I'm thinking will he see this will he care wait why should I care what he sees or thinks I'm not scared.

Or aren't I?

Amn't I? Ahhh.

It's begun to feel so lonely. I feel like a cornered animal. I want to be brave and strong and FEMALE about all this, all independent and shit, but ladies and gents I am found on a precipice.

I think I will be one of those who begs to any god at that point. I just want things to be okay between us. I don't know what to do or say anymore.

Everything I do is wrong at this point. And I can't just calm down about it. I feel seven kinds of lonely. I feel my limbs are in different dimensions, my heart in a tinderbox in a volcano at the tip of Mars.

My eyes were so puffy and swolled up this morning, and I had the nerve to spackle on some eyeliner and mascara.

I have no shame.

Everything's blurry. I thought there was an end to all this negative thinking, and all this dependence on the happiness of others.

A better me would become a bitch.

But I just want to be nicer to people.