Ugh.

The cold and empty feeling comes right after. You drive home in a daze. I'm so confused still and yet so clear. I know all it's going to ever come to is disaster, and still I'm the tugboat in the wake of some larger ship, some larger shit. fuck me. Fuck me but he's so lovely.


in other news the charity fundraiser i helped organize was horribly successful, and for the first time in a long time i feel satisfied and accomplished about school and about my professional future. I'm learning how to deal with people's ridiculous ish in a professional setting, and man does it take all types of annoying and ridiculous shit to make an event huh.



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Whys and Whatsits

Lately I can't recall names. I forget checks, I drop my keys unknowingly. Lately my dreams are more real than really living. I touch things awake and witness events and there is nothing but clinical numbness. Lately I'm losing my words; without those, I thought I was nothing. 

This is an attempt to remember everything. At the end of the day, words are all we have.