Oh Des Choix



Alors. Things have become so heartbreakingly normal, around here.

My only consolation is listening to KCRW in the mornings when I am late for another class. 
Sometimes, if I am lucky, the music shakes up a sweet, effervescent bubbling just below my lungs
and I float, mes amis. I float.

Have recently resolved not to buy any makeup until I've used up all my old ones. !

I went to MAC to buy a substantial number of items, and after that it's been hard to bat off 
the temptation to buy more.

It is, after all, MAC. Thank goodness the only thing I have from NARS is the 
Laguna/Orgasm stuff or I may just be in debt.

I have a lot of dreams, unwarranted, mind, about the other one. I normally never dream about 
boys I'm dating or who I like.

Granted I dream a lot about Memo, too. But the conversations, the feelings, the overwhelming 
sense of reality, never approaches the kinds of dreams I have about the other.

These feelings, though I fight, are so consumptive I break into pieces when he comes near me. 
I just want to be happy with one person, someone who is, enfin, right for me. 
That boy is not right for me. But oh! Should he lay his head across my lap once more 
I shall faint.


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Whys and Whatsits

Lately I can't recall names. I forget checks, I drop my keys unknowingly. Lately my dreams are more real than really living. I touch things awake and witness events and there is nothing but clinical numbness. Lately I'm losing my words; without those, I thought I was nothing. 

This is an attempt to remember everything. At the end of the day, words are all we have.