oh mr. sandman.

i feel terrible. i have only slept a handful of hours la nuit dernier. after the first hour, i had a nightmare, un vrai couchemar.

i dreamed i had been grazed by a bullet or shot in the top of my head. I had the feeling of utter heaviness and blackness. I could feel terrible difficulty and numbness in trying to turn myself over. Was I, thought I in that slow and sluggish manner, was I dead?

Was I dying?

I gasped upon waking, and the feeling of intense burning and wetness on my crown remained for a good many minutes. I lay there, awake, feeling this wetness even as I touched my own head and found it dry. It hurt, tender and burning, for so many minutes. The darkness in my room was like the darkness of some other place. There was a weight in my bones like my flesh had been packed with muddy coffee grounds. I felt like I was floating, and sick, weightless and yet sinking.

Was I really awake? My head still feels kind of weird and tingly.

I remember thinking, as I always do after these many, many nightmares, that I don't ever want to go back to sleep again. I wanted to call Memo. I wanted to be held. I wanted to know that I was alive and awake.

jesus i'm so tired. and so sick.